On Moving Furniture

"When dealing with a woman on the moving of furniture, always put it where they say first.  You won't have to move it but twice."  H. Dale Thompson

On Being Stopped by the Police

One day my father was traveling home along I-16.  In his rear view mirror he noticed the flashing blue light of the car of a Georgia State Patrolman.  The patrolman came up to the window of his car.  He noticed him right a way as being a lawyer.  The patrolman said, "Mr. Thompson, who do lawyers get to represent them when they get caught speeding?"  Without missing a beat, my father asked, "What county are we in?"  The patrolman said, "We are in Twiggs County."  Then, in a reference to the long time and powerful sherriff of Twiggs County, he said, "I'll get Earl Hambrick to represent me."  The flustered patrolman shook his head and said, "Mr. Thompson, just go ahead and slow down."

THE DIFFERENCE IN THINKING AND KNOWING

One Sunday morning Deacon Jones and his wife and their five children came walking into church.  Sister Mary Brown commented, "My doesn't Deacon Jones have a fine family," to which Sister Mable Jackson replied, "Deacon Jones thinks they are his children, Sister Jones knows they are her children."

On Bureaucracy

"Most of the time, working people, especially government workers, have to justify their existence."

PUBLIC SERVICE

"You don't have to be a politician or a public official to help people." 
                           H. Dale Thompson

Oink Smith

Two Marines were riding down the road one night when one of them spotted a large pig running down the side of the road.  Thinking that the pig would make a nice supper for them, they grabbed the pig and put it in the front of their truck.  As they were driving back to their homes, the Marines came up a road block by the Navy Shore Patrol. 

Not knowing what to do, one of the Marines grabbed his cap and put it on the head of the pig.  As they approached the road block, they put the pig up in the front seat. 

It was dark by this time and the Marines hoped they could get through the roadblock.

The sailor ordered the driver to roll his window down. 

"What's your name Marine," the sailor said.

"John Smith, sir," the Marine answered.

"You, over there in the passenger seat.  What's your name," the guard said?

"My name is Bill, Bill Smith. I am his brother." the other Marine said.

Then the sailor said, "You, there in the middle, what's your name."?

There was silence.

"That's our brother," the Marines said.

Again the sailor commanded, "You, there in the middle, what's your name?"

The Marine in the passenger seat poked the pig in the side and it went "oink!"

The shore patrolman said, "Go ahead, Marines and you stay out of trouble."

The Marines were relieved as they drove off, knowing they had fooled that stupid sailor.

As the truck pulled away, the shore patrolman was shaking his head.

"What's wrong," another sailor said?

As he continued shaking his head the patrolman said, "I've see some ugly Marines, but that Oink Smith is the ugliest damn Marine I have ever seen!"

An Amazing Card Trick

If you want to dazzle your friends with an amazing card trick or perhaps win a little or a lot money try the following card trick.  It works every time.

Take 21 playing cards or trading cards.

Deal the 21 cards into three piles.

Ask a friend to chose a card and tell you which pile it is in.

Once they have identified the pile, pick it up and place that pile in the center of the other two piles.  It makes no difference which pile is on the top or the bottom.

Repeat the process three times.

Then deal from the top.

When you reach the eleventh (11th) card turn it over and show it.

Wala! You have just done a magical (actually mathematical) trick.

Guaranteed (if you do it right and they don't forget or cheat) to work everytime.

Practice it first before you make a fool of your self.