TESTS

Daddy always said "Tests don't tell you what you know.  They tell you what you don't know."

Selling Mules

Two farmers met one day and one asked the other if he wanted to buy the other's mule. 

"Yes, I think I might," the first farmer said.

"How much to you wan't for it," said the first farmer?

"Five dollars," said the second farmer.

"Fair enough, I'll take him." the first farmer said.

About a year later, the first farmer saw the second farmer and asked if he needed any mules. To which the second farmer, said yes, "I am planting more this year, would you sell me that mule I sold you last year," he said?

"Sure, the price will be ten dollars."

Needing a good mule, the second farmer paid the first farmer the ten dollars.

A year later, the second farmer needed some cash and asked the first farmer about buying the mule for $15.00.  He agreed and took the mule back.

This went on for years as the price rose well over $80.00.

Then one day, one of the farmers was asked to sell the mule to another farmer who lived well down the road.  He needed the money, a $100.00, and sold it to another man.

A few months later, the other farm came up to the farm to buy the mule.  When he discovered that the mule had been sold to someone else, he cried out, "Why did you sell that mule?  We were making a good living, selling him back and forth to each other."

Great Fishing

One day a woman called my father and asked permission to use one of his ponds for her son's birthday party.  At the party, her sons friends were going to fish.  Well Daddy had this rather small, spring fed pond, which he never stocked. 

After getting off work, Daddy decided to go down to the pond and see how the children were doing?

When he got there, he asked the woman how was the fishing.  She responded, "Great!  The kids have caught more than forty fish.  When my father asked where they were, the lady pointed to a gallon milk jug with the top cut off.  Inside the jug were nearly four dozen large minnows.

"The SWAG Method

The professor was attempting to explain a complicated problem to his students.  None of them seemed to be able to come up with the answer.  The professor tried everything he could to make his students understand.  Finally, the professor said, "Well, if none of you is going to be able to solve this problem, you'll have to use the S.W.A.G. method."  One of the students raised his hand and asked, "What is the S.W.A.G." method, to which the professor responded "Scientific Wild Ass Guess."

On Moving Furniture

"When dealing with a woman on the moving of furniture, always put it where they say first.  You won't have to move it but twice."  H. Dale Thompson

On Being Stopped by the Police

One day my father was traveling home along I-16.  In his rear view mirror he noticed the flashing blue light of the car of a Georgia State Patrolman.  The patrolman came up to the window of his car.  He noticed him right a way as being a lawyer.  The patrolman said, "Mr. Thompson, who do lawyers get to represent them when they get caught speeding?"  Without missing a beat, my father asked, "What county are we in?"  The patrolman said, "We are in Twiggs County."  Then, in a reference to the long time and powerful sherriff of Twiggs County, he said, "I'll get Earl Hambrick to represent me."  The flustered patrolman shook his head and said, "Mr. Thompson, just go ahead and slow down."

THE DIFFERENCE IN THINKING AND KNOWING

One Sunday morning Deacon Jones and his wife and their five children came walking into church.  Sister Mary Brown commented, "My doesn't Deacon Jones have a fine family," to which Sister Mable Jackson replied, "Deacon Jones thinks they are his children, Sister Jones knows they are her children."